Why is it that whenever we women try our damned hardest to impress- with bright colours, flattering shapes – our men fail to appreciate our efforts and instead think of the practicalities? Most men do not, and will never understand female fashion. In fact they are so oblivious to our personal style that they either don’t notice when a special effort has been made, or they vocally complain because what you’re wearing isn’t ‘normal’. Every man is different, they have different dislikes and irritations, but ultimately it is impossible for a woman’s wardrobe to completely satisfy a man’s aesthetic needs. The underwear drawer is usually the only happiness he’ll find (but sometimes men even have issues with your lingerie- honestly!)
My boyfriend, Rory, and I have daily disagreements over my style choices. Rory is an athletic chap who rarely “dresses up” and spends most of his week in his sports gear. In my case each day is a fresh opportunity for me to express myself visually, and I tend to indulge far too much in patterned clothing that reminds me of my childhood. Excessive jewellery and clashing colours are other faux pa’s I enjoy. Rory has actually admitted that if given the chance he would happily “burn” some of my attire, including a blazer he calls my ‘Abba Jacket” and another favourite of mine, the “Harry Potter cape”.
With the assistance of Rory and his friend Paul I have compiled a bewildering list of female trends that men despise. And I am not talking about silver jumpsuits and balaclavas here, ladies, oh no these fashion statements are much worse (apparently!). Unbelievably what they find hideous are items that we consider “wardrobe staples”. Prepare to be blown away.
Number one on their list is Uggs. You know, the sheepskin boots made by that popular Australian brand? Harmless, right? Wrong. In fact Paul has forbidden his partner from wearing these “unacceptable” shoes. He describes them as being “clichéd…oversized, expensive slippers that are impractical and people seem to think they go with everything.” I would have to agree that in some cases Uggs don’t work (like with a pencil skirt!) but ultimately there is little else that are as comfy.
Rory is similarly aggrieved when it comes to footwear. But his problem is with wedges. He finds them desperately unattractive. He says “It is like someone couldn’t be bothered to make the heel so just stuck a lump of wood in its place.” I tried to explain that they are much easier to walk in compared to a stiletto, but he dismissed this and yelled ‘hideous!”.
As I mentioned earlier, underwear doesn’t always make men happy, and this is the case for Paul. He absolutely hates thongs! Come on! – what could be sexier? Apparently “the sheer nature of thongs is a turn off – they sit far too high.” He much prefers the classic Frenchie – so I guess less isn’t always more?
Paul and Rory both agree that flaunting yourself is not a hot look. The underwear as outerwear trend is clearly not appreciated, and neither are leggings. Wait what? Leggings? Apparently so. Rory describes his frustration with women wearing leggings without covering their bottoms. “It looks like they’ve forgot to put their skirt on – they are too clingy and they leave nothing to the imagination.”
Other things they want us to avoid: fur coats “unless you want to look like a walking rodent”; dangly earrings because “ear lobes freak [them] out in the first place”; and waist-cinching belts because “it makes you look like you are in a fun house mirror”. The list goes on and on….
Now, I know what you are probably thinking – why are you telling us this? Do you want us to change our style to suit our guys? No, quite the opposite. Don’t dress for your man, dress for yourself. If you feel hot, then you’ll look hot. Confidence is your greatest accessory. This Valentine’s Day treat him to an outfit you know he’ll like, but never compromise your individuality. I have to laugh when Rory criticises my outfits, because his responses are so creative that he deserves it. I will continue to wear things that are far too “crazy” and he will continue to tease me about it. But really, who cares?